“In the Old West, a sheriff and his posse must rescue several townspeople from cave-dwelling cannibals.”
SCORE: 10/10
tl/dr: while the middle may be a little bit slow, the final 30ish minutes are a cinematic masterpiece and if you say otherwise, you’re wrong.
Since I watched this movie for the first time, I think it has been my go-to answer for anytime I see a question asking for a movie recommendation. Side note: I also definitely fell asleep in the middle of this movie the first time I watched it. In fact I might actually suggest first time viewers do just that – if you time it right and are stirring right as the fellas are approaching a certain cave, I promise you will never have a more incredible first 30 minutes of sentience.
The film stars the legendary Kurt Russell (you know who he is) alongside Matthew Fox (will be referred to as The Guy From Lost), Richard Jenkins (Dr. Doback), Patrick Wilson (scary movie king), and some other folks who probably die early in the movie, I don’t really remember. Looking at the IMDB, it’s a little problematic to not see any of the natives in the top billed cast. You’ve got big name antagonist roles like “Noseless Trog” and “Sharp Teeth” yet I have to click “MORE CAST” just to even find out they’re played by jacked white dudes. Say what you want about Captain Phillips (2013), but those real life Somalian pirates were at least invited to the premier! I digress.
The movie, set in the late 1800s, starts out with Patricia Arquette’s brother and some other shmuck finding an old Indian burial site out in the wilderness. One of them gets killed and the other escapes (not a spoiler since you don’t know which one) into the nearby town of Bright Hope. Once there, we meet Patrick Wilson (hobbled by a leg injury), his hot wife, the sheriff duo of Jeff Bridges and Dr Doback aka Chicory, and Jack Shepherd. Some indian tomfoolery ensues that night and what do you know, Mr. Arquette, Patrick Wilson’s hot wife, and someone else are kidnapped. Just like Hailee Steinfeld did in True Grit, time to round up a posse and [redacted] some natives.
The posse makes its way across the desert, all the way back to the land of the Troglodytes and their fucked up party cave. Picture the ending of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, except instead of soft 7 hippies facing off against Brad Pitt it’s 7ft tall mute cave dweller native americans.
Spoilers:
- Jack Shepherd going out like an absolute GOAT. “Leave me because I don’t want to live as a cripple” (only lost his hand). Allegedly 116 confirmed kills. Incredible stuff.
- The dude getting scalped and then split in literal half ass first – has to be a top five worst way to go out
- Chicory complete savage, might need to name my firstborn after him. Incredible name, incredible character just sippin on opium